Groucho Marx is a Quote Machine

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

A man is as old as the women he feels.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends... May they never meet.

I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

(For La Federala's dad) Oh are you from Wales ?? Do you know a fella named Jonah ?? He used to live in whales for a while.

Who are you going to believe, me or your lyin' eyes?

[to carriage driver] Hey you. I told you to slow that nag down. On account of you I almost heard the opera.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.