Harper's Weekly Review

Always a great read. new editions out on tuesdays, compiled by Roger D. Hodge. I'll cherrypick some highlights for ya (my comments in the parentheses):

WEEKLY REVIEW

*George W. Bush acknowledged that the war on terror has been "misnamed"; he said that it ought to be called "the struggle against ideological extremists who do not believe in free societies who happen to use terror as a weapon to try to shake the conscience of the free world." (catchy!)

*Israeli officials were studying whether to use marijuana to treat soldiers suffering the effects of post-traumatic stress disorder from keeping the Palestinians down. (i know how to fix it! quit killing people!).

*Crude oil prices reached a record high of $44.41, and the Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped to a new low for 2004.

*Thai police put a stop to orangutan boxing matches at Safari World, a zoo near Bangkok. (Mr. Mooch was in training. now its all wasted)

*The Bureau of LaborStatistics reported that the layoff rate during the first three years of the Bush Administration was 8.7 percent (11.4 million people lost their jobs), the worst layoff rate since the early 1980s.

*Two Nigerian policemen were shot and two were stabbed in a battle with wife swappers.

*It was the 40th anniversary of the Gulf of Tonkin resolution, which gave President Lyndon Johnson the authority to escalate the war in Vietnam; historians noted its similarity to the October 2002 congressional resolution authorizing the invasion of Iraq, which was also based on falsehoods. (well whatayaknow!)

*Scientists said that alcohol makes your brain work better. (FINALLY
some redemption!)

*Tom Ridge, the secretary of Homeland Security, "categorically" denied that the recent terror alerts, which were based on three-and four-year-old intelligence, were politically motivated.

*Britain banned toothy smiles from passport photos.

*Moktada al-Sadr defied the new Iraqi government and said he would continue to battle American forces: "the Mahdi Army and I will keep resisting. I will stay in holy Najaf and will never leave. I will stay here until my last drop of blood." (again i'm the same age as this guy...we went to different High Schools)

*Several Nigerian sorcerers were arrested after skulls, body parts, and 50 corpses were found in shrines belonging to a cult called Alusi Okija; the chief priest of the cult was not arrested, however, because he's an old man and police didn't want him to die in custody. (Our local sorcerers are much nicer)

*The United States announced that it will insist that the Fissile Material Cutoff Treaty, which would ban countries from making enriched uranium and plutonium for nuclear bombs, be stripped of any mechanism for enforcement, such as inspections. This position, which would render the treaty useless, apparently was reached because the Bush Administration does not wish to submit to inspections. "My most solemn duty as president," said Bush, "is to protect our country." (Way to look out for us, you moron!)

*Russian researchers from the Voronezh State Technological Academy said they had perfected a method for using cow blood as a high-protein dairy replacement in foods such as yogurt. (Um, thank god for the "Gross Studies" department at ole Voronezh U!")

*Dutch lawmakers called for a ban on unsolicited toe licking. (...and not a day too soon!)